Accepting All Parts of Ourselves

 Have you ever felt a sensation that feels just like what the fuck is this?! Like, why am I feeling a sensation in my body that feels like my body is totally dysregulated? It doesn't feel good to say the least. And mostly this sensation happens around other people. And then I'm alone again and the sensations coming to the forefront feel really peaceful for the most part, not 100% all of the time but mostly yeah. Testing the alternating nasal breath, all clear up and down, maybe a tiny little something in the chest but very slight, not enough to trigger a thought that there's something out of wack because it's happening while I'm writing, so the subconscious mind might also thinking about how this piece might be perceived. And that's okay, I accept that about myself; I accept that I want my work to be received well, and I don't think that's a weakness because I'm completely genuine in my creative expressions, I pour my heart and soul into anything I put out, regardless of how it comes across, because it's an authentic expression of self so it can't be wrong and it can't be compared to anything, as long as we find expression and release, that's all that matters. And meanwhile I've considered not putting pieces out publicly until I love every vibration that's embodied in these expressions, I've done that before. But not anymore. I consciously decided a while back that that is not full acceptance and the only way to feel whole is to grant all parts of ourselves self acceptance. 

So maybe you guessed it right there, this is a piece about working with shadow parts of self. Because Source comes through me, I believe Source comes through everyone when we authentically express ourselves, and I've known for a while this needs to be expressed. I've fully accepted this part of me so I'm able to observe what happened without all the emotion, so know that, it's not a pity party whatsoever, I'm actually very grateful because it's awareness like this that shows us how to grow. And I'm sharing this right now because this is exactly what so many people need right now, myself included. 

Working with the shadow parts of self is not easy, this is the actual work, the stop bypassing and actually speak with the parts of self that just come out from time to time without me consciously or mindfully choosing that. Start having a relationship with all the parts of me that I used to stuff down, you know, when we feel a not-so-nice vibration and stuff it down? Not sometimes it's not actually coming from us. And there are tools to become aware of which ones are and which ones are not from us, such as saying, we are only feeling the feelings in this body, while placing the hands on the chest, heart, etc. I've had to repeat this a few times sometimes to feel the separation and receive the wisdom, and it gets easier as we go. Now I think this is the exact spot where we need to say that we love all parts of self. Truly verbalizing that I accept all parts of myself, all vibrations, has been absolutely essential to integrating more of self and not feeling shitty about ourselves. Why? Because we had a loving intention when we stuffed this part of self down, especially when we cast this part of self to the shadow parts of self. We tried to bypass accepting this part of self because we did not perceive the resulting behavior to be very loving to those around us, because we want to share love, and so we did what we had to do to not come from an unsavory place. Very important is that we are not embarrassed of this, I don't feel guilty, I don't feel any shame, the thoughts didn't even come toward those possibilities until writing this piece and wanting to discuss the full gamut, maybe because when I write it's so easy to observe and process any possible thought from anyone. But yeah, I completely accept that there is this part of me that comes forth as a poking sensation through the ribs, And sometimes it comes through the lower Trapezius. I now know through much experimentation, journeying with breath, and research, that these are specific locations that symbolize not feeling supported. And as we know, everything comes back to self, and much of it back to childhood and teenager years. Some might say everything comes back to the Root, or generational identifying information, i.e. what our family decided to plug into our subconscious, and yeah, I can see the parallels there, but I can't do this work for either of my parents, all I believe I can do for them at this time is to be whole, come from a whole place, and accept all parts of self so that I am not allowing my shadow to run the show ever. If one or both of them are going to do this work then just being that example might inspire that, but I must have zero expectations that they will ever do this work. Maybe because my perception of this journey believes that we are meant to surpass our parents. They may not even be built to go on to those (what I'm calling) forthcoming stages of growth. Maybe each member in our bloodline is like the next Avatar in this video game, and our parents have basically walked through the levels they're meant to, and now it's up to us. That surely removes any of the blaming doesn't it? The left side of my chest just got a sensation, so that probably comes from past feelings of inadequacy, maybe that's direct communication from my ancestors, and that pop seems to confirm. 

Just then I felt my left armpit have a sensation and that's usually indicative of thinking about the past. It could be my ancestors trying to tell me that there has been so much past hurt caused and that I am to make us all whole again in that respect because that's the way the game goes. I don't know. What I do know is, that when we feel a sensation, speaking with the sensation, loving on it, and letting it know we accept it fully, seems to release much of the intensity first of all, probably because we are finally speaking with a part of ourselves that we have ignored for so long. Thinking of the past may simply be because we've gotten comfortable in certain resonances, even if they do not support us the way we know we desire to be supported. You might be asking yourself why then, am I feeling like I'm missing someone or missing some aspect of what was in my external reflection at one point? My best guess is that this is what our Generational DNA was used to, the feeling that for generations we told ourselves was what we wanted. I accept the possibility that my ancestors are the ones who pointed me in the direction of my last romantic choice, because upon studying our personality types, it did not seem like the choice I would make, if I take my time and allow my Pineal Gland to point me where my intuition and inner knowing wants me to go. I was lonely and maybe not even really listening to my guidance system, so if you lovingly stepped in to guide me in that time, I appreciate it. I love you very much. And I accept all of your love and support, along with the rest of creation and Source. I humbly accept all of that love and support, and assert that it is my role as the Director of my life, to assess my different options in life, decide what I believe is best for me and us moving forward, and to accept these decisions I make, and not blame you. You are supporting me, just like the rest of the Universe, and I desire to live in gratitude with you guys. I choose to appreciate those who support me, do right by you, and do what I must, which is to start completely trusting my sovereign connected guidance system, with the confidence that I have gained enough experience to trust my own decisions after consulting with the Pineal Region, and living with the acceptance of these decisions and the resolve and steadfastness to live with whatever that looks like. This is how I can stand on my own two feet and really build my foundation again. So again, thank you, I appreciate you, I love you, and your support means a lot to me, genuinely. And now I know just how much stronger I've needed my foundation to be. It's come through trials and tribulations and experience. Living more life and seeing when we need to widen our base for the forthcoming season of life. 

 I have experienced feeling embarrassment before for even having these unplanned feelings come out, the ones that have become my shadow's personality traits. I'd try to just breathe my way around them whenever they'd come out around people. And that never solved anything. Now by expressing deep love to these vibrations and wherever they're coming from, and integrating these different parts of self into the life I live, I'm being shown by trusting the exact life I've been given in this lifetime and trusting the process of life and growth and ascension, that the only way to keep leveling up is to accept where we are, accept all parts of self, even the ones we don't fully understand, especially those! And to have gratitude for being in that exact spot. Because getting these exact realizations in this exact space is the reason we are receiving this wisdom. And for me, being able to call this stuff out publicly is destroying the ego and separation from our Divine Nature, bit by bit. So I'm very grateful that I don't give a fuck how this is perceived. What I do absolutely care about is dismantling this ego, accepting all the parts that make up me, and living a wholesome fruitful life. So, this is my intro to shadow work journal entry. And I hope with every cell in this body, every electromagnetic pulse, that you find some benefit from it. Love you.