Divinity Transcends Gender..

First off, Dad, as you read this, you'll probably not enjoy some of it. But trust me, get to the end, because I am so so proud of you and I have so much respect for the way you handle your biz today. Hopefully there's a bit of resonance in the parts you maybe won't like as well haha.. And Mom, same with you, you have ascended past the gender role that was engrained within you as well, and I absolutely bow down to how you have seated into your Divine power. Eternally grateful to both of you. Love you so much. And to my only blood brother, I understand if you're upset by my pieces or however you feel reading them. It's okay, I love you and I respect however you feel.

I’m about to cross a bridge that my consciousness says I've been needing to address lately, gender roles. I didn’t realize it, but now that I have been studying my subconscious more than ever before, it’s as clear as a fresh period of light that my internal operating system, external reality, and everyone around me can benefit from me upgrading this within myself. Why? Because in order to be the person my next ascended levels need me to be to realize my Dharma, I need to shift my subconscious to come from a place of valuing everyone simply for being part of the World and us all being equal, instead of each of our values partially resulting from Gender Roles. Historically, whenever a woman who wasn't paying me (and honestly, sometimes even if they were) made a suggestion, interrupted, or expressed intense emotion, my subconscious would put up a wall and my mind would believe that this was perfectly fine in the name of peace. I would stand my ground and say things I’d heard my Dad say many times such as “I’ll only listen if you’re calm”, “you need to be less emotional” and “why are you being so confrontational” among others. But guess what, it goes both ways. This isn’t just a story of the masculine thinking the feminine is too much to handle or too emotional or putting down the woman to feel superior, there’s so much more to it. The effect within my subconscious also related to the internalized role of the man in the household as the breadwinner. This was absolutely mirrored by my behavior when I allowed my catering business to dwindle and my self worth went way down. Instead of expressing these feelings I shut down, not even being aware at that time of how it affected me, and even projected and masked these by blaming. Let’s go into where this subconscious activity came from. 

My Family identifies as East Indian, meaning from India, originally and Hindu, the native religion of India. Then a couple of generations ago they moved to Southeast Africa, Kampala, Uganda to be specific, where they owned and operated factories. From then, the men on both sides of the family became financial providers and protectors. The reason that’s significant is that there is this… mindset or subconscious programming that many East Indians in Men’s bodies have inherited, which is (just the subconscious perception, I don’t believe it or like it) that women are subservient to men. Maybe not in conscious thought but believe me, it’s deeply rooted in the subconscious. Traditionally, women would be the ones cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. They were the nurturers while the men generated income. This dynamic can work very well when approached with a mindset of being equal teammates, taking on different but equally important, symbiotic roles, meaning they support one another and fully respect the other’s efforts as being just as important as their own. But if they are symbiotic, meaning each thrives largely due to the support of the other and creating a balanced flow and splitting up the work, then what was the basis of thinking that women were subservient or that men’s contributions were more meaningful than women's? 

Could it have something to do with the history of arranged marriages? What about dowries, how did those impact this dynamic? Did you know that originally, most dowries were paid to the bride’s family as compensation for the loss of labor around the house as well as her ability to reproduce? That means that a woman's value was connected to what she could do for the household and her husband and his family’s legacy. Can you imagine your value being calculated based on the fact that your body can procreate? That doesn’t seem fair in the slightest bit to my consciousness. Perhaps if the kids would take their mom’s name and create a legacy for their mom’s family, then maybe this would be a much more glaring truth. Or if men could get pregnant and deliver babies. Maybe then it would be more obvious too. But I’m not trying to get into that because I have no ideas on how to make that happen. But studying this dynamic does make my consciousness think, what if men’s value was based on how much they could financially provide? What if brides’ families paid dowries to men's families because they would be earning to provide for the new family? Essentially this has also happened, and, dowries have gone both ways. They have been paid to brides’ families for them not being in their family’s home to contribute to that household as well as in advance for birthing the groom and his family's children, and they’ve been paid to grooms’ families to account for creating a new life that costs resources. In both situations dowries have also been motivated by the desire to ensure one side’s security, the groom’s in case creating the new life is very costly and, for the bride in case she is mistreated or if they go through tough financial circumstances. So maybe that’s a fair approach? It would probably be on a case-by-case scenario but, that is not the topic of this piece, I simply wanted to provide some background that hopefully shines some light on how men and women’s values have been calculated before. Because those same beliefs made their way into my family’s subconscious, let me illustrate. 

From the mid 90’s or so when my parents purchased their own Dry Cleaning business, like so many other businesses of that abundant time, it was booming. The business paid for us to enjoy an extremely comfortable lifestyle, lots of expensive trips every summer, every winter, as well as lots of luxurious purchases, cars, hobbies, etc.. To my recollection, my Mom was able to spend more time with us and take care of the home and maybe didn’t have to physically go to the business as much during that time of abundance. We would probably all say that my Dad had a lot to do with that and I am grateful for all of his efforts to provide such a comfortable life back then. And it did work at that time, Dad running the business more so and Mom nurturing us kids and getting us involved in activities and all that fun stuff. She did also always take on cooking and, I believe, more of the house cleaning but not 100% sure on the cleaning part. Something to note about this period is that most of the credit for that success has historically been assigned to my Dad. I'm not saying that's here, there, or anywhere, just an observation.

Flash forward to when the family business’ revenue started declining in about 2001, these internalized gender roles became super apparent, at least upon studying them now lol… When my Mom expressed feeling insecure about the mortgage and other bills getting paid as well as my brother and I having everything we needed / wanted, my Dad found himself in unfamiliar territory. His father my grandfather provided, and his father before him, etc.. And since they had struggled before and were disrespected during those periods, there was a subconscious wound that was reopened when the business continued to plummet. He wasn’t able to express these feelings through these times unfortunately, I’m guessing this awareness wasn’t present because he was mentally just trying to figure out what to do. It’s extremely important to me at this very moment to say that I DON’T BLAME HIM FOR ANY OF THIS BEHAVIOR. He did his best, my parents did their best with everything, and I am forever grateful. We are so beyond blessed and privileged to live in a time when we all get to freely express our thoughts and emotions and share them with the World. As a result, we’ve gotten to learn so so much from others sharing their experiences and, as a result, that resonance shines light onto our situations and how we can learn from them. So I’m super grateful for all of it, because without everything happening the way it did, I wouldn't have the need to express it all in this piece, which hopefully helps someone beyond me and my loved ones :) 

Now while this was happening on the financial front of the family, my Mom saw what was happening and made a huge shift. You might say she shifted closer to her (what we might call) masculine, meaning she started working harder than ever and harnessing her fire more than ever. She held down two full time jobs for quite a while, even another part-time job on top of that at times. We still had everything we needed and she even helped my brother and I on numerous occasions with additional expenses / get out of unfavorable financial situations. I am eternally grateful. And what happened is, she changed. My Mom who once was so into getting all dolled up and going to the parties, now was fully focused on providing. She became more willing to express herself as a human being, something that as men we have usually been encouraged to do, how privileged are we.. And it's still taken many years, up until recently, before she's been willing to fully express herself and understand how to do so in a way that doesn't sacrifice her inner peace. She did attack him verbally many times for his decisions and indecisions that she perceived as the major contributors for why we were in that situation. But what I really perceive that as, is that she also had subconscious gender role programming. Her subconscious and generational DNA was also programmed to not work as much as she started working, so understandably that version(s) within her DNA was upset. She was turning a new page, expanding her base, stepping into a brighter light, in which she could handle more, in which she was willing to take on whatever was necessary for her loved ones. This reminds me of the fierce Mama Tiger, so majestic and lovely, but test her and see what happens hahah..

Now because of the way the generational DNA was seated into the "masculine," my dad experienced feelings of insecurity of not providing at the level he was so proud of at one time. Just like it took me until so recently to admit, actually today writing this piece lol.. He too was not able to admit how it made him feel, and instead of welcoming my Mom’s expression, he began to say those aforementioned phrases that I began repeating once I allowed my catering business to dwindle. At the first sign of chaos I would do everything possible to avoid the conversation, and all that did was add fuel to the fire. I am so proud of my ex for sticking to her guns because finally, after she repeatedly stood in her light, finally the message got through to my subconscious. She gifted me this realization that, if I keep improving my awareness on it, will pay dividends for the rest of my life. She gave me the gift of progressing towards healing my generational trauma. And what did I give her? A break up.. And a whole bunch of times of saying she was causing chaos, and a whole bunch of times of not paying her the attention she deserved.. The list goes on and it is regrettable, but maybe if we hadn't broken up and my heart wasn't hurting from, what I now know is the feeling of being ashamed of my subconscious' actions, I probably would've never been motivated to learn exactly why it all went down this way.. I am so so proud of my Dad too because, when he gained the awareness that he was supremely uncomfortable, just like me, he made a change. He got out of that business and got into the Deli business, and today he is the owner operator who gets in the kitchen, rolls his sleeves up, stays curious so he can keep learning and improving, and his team and all the regular customers absolutely adore him and the way he serves them. He is now a true Leader and I have immense respect for the way he handles his business today.

And.. my subconscious acted the same as his, so please understand that I am not mad at my Dad for this, because he is so far from alone. I am finally grateful for inheriting this generational behavior because, I know this piece and any other related ones that may come after this, will help some people. I know that in my core now, because right this moment I can feel that someone will read this and feel exactly what I'm feeling. How do I know that? Because I have witnessed this same behavior from so many men, and thankfully, so many women are now expressing their truths and standing in their light, and planting these seeds over and over and over again. Men.. Instead of focusing on how this behavior has separated us from our true selves and from the women who love us most, let's focus on how much greater we can be for ourselves, for our whole bloodlines, and for everyone around us once we get this realization. Here's the meat and potatoes my subconscious still had to read in black and white straight off the dome to really get it..

Women around us expressing themselves has never been something to be offended by, but this is how our subconscious reacts when an old wound is reopened. Women have this attunement, it’s like as soon as we connect with them on an emotional level, they can feel so deeply what needs to be discussed or what is bothering someone. I think this is a Divine attribute I think, because I have also had this attunement with my loved ones, and I've witnessed many others do the same just as I'm sure you have. Isn't it so cool when we trust our gut and it ends up being on point? How is this any different? Women sharing their intuition, which we've all heard how powerful women's intuition is, yeah? Hahahha... They're sharing their gifts with us, and now eye can see, if we can just figure out how to hear them out, maybe not every single word will be absolutely true, but looking back, I can say with confidence that most of it, will be true. And yes, sometimes women know exactly how to twist the knife hahahha.. And that may not be cool, I'm with ya, believe me, I am. And i'm not saying I know better than anyone, but hindsight is 20/20 and this rear view has shown me that.. man it's like, you know how they say that if you want to see all your faults, get into a relationship? How true that is hahaha... so maybe my next work is to practice how to hear them out, how to keep my heart open, to receive their gifts.. because I want to be grateful to those giving me gifts, not spiteful, not avoidant... I would never tell Santa Claus to stop giving out gifts... so why do that to women?

It seems the challenge becomes, how do we express what we are sensing so that the subconscious doesn’t shut down the conscious? So that we can make progress on it? Or.. do we simply express it however it comes out? And trust that what needs to happen will happen.. What would the Divine within us say? What would the Universal Intelligence say? I would love to read comments. Now that I've allowed the full intensity of these emotions to flow thru, here is the after, my favorite flow of Niyamas straight from Deepak Chopra's "Living In The Light," I experience the light thru my emotions. Being myself brings contentment. I allow the light to create transformation. I reflect on my true self to bring it closer. I give myself over to the Great mystery. I experience my body as a flow of awareness. I join my body in the present moment. I rest comfortably in my body. I bend flexibly with every experience. I live in the flow if creative intelligence. I join the flow of life with every breath. My breathing energizes mind and body. I direct all energies to the light. I redirect my energy whenever it is needed. I am part of a living breathing creation. I welcome the light as it welcomes me. I set myself free from old memories. I vibrate in the field of light. I allow the light to find me."

I love you.